Finding Yourself in the Chaos of Motherhood
Updated: Oct 23
Motherhood can be a beautiful and transformative experience, but it can also be challenging. As a mom and step-mom with four children, I have personally experienced both sides of the motherhood coin. Most often, I am in awe of my children, loving their emerging personalities, and finding those moments of deep connection precious and invaluable. There are moments where we laugh until we cry, we play, my children show me a different way to see the world. And the love I experience, both in how much I love my children, but also in their love for me, is unlike anything else I have ever felt.
There has also been stress and overwhelm as we have navigated life, emotional ups and downs, grief and loss, and the usual frustrations of co-exising with each other.
For many mothers, the constant mental load of caring for others, trying to care for all the unique needs of your kids, checking in with teachers, unsolicited parenting advice, social media making it look easy... it can feel like too much.
It's easy to lose sight of who you are as an individual when you're constantly focused on caring for your children, especially during those challening times. Most Moms I know struggle to remember who they are, and so much of their worth is tied up in being a good Mom. That pressure can make the challenging times feel harder, and invite us to lose sight of our strengths, worth, and passions. However, holding onto your identity is crucial for your mental health and overall well-being, and truly it helps us to be the fulfilled, present, and loving Moms we strive to be.
Here are some tips for maintaining your sense of self while navigating motherhood:
Make time for yourself: It's important to carve out time for activities that you enjoy. Whether it's reading a book, going for a run, or taking a yoga class, make sure to prioritize self-care. I know it feels like there isn't enough time, but your kids do better when you do better so make the chicken nuggets once in a while so you can sit down and take care of you.
Connect with others: Maintaining relationships with friends and family members can help you stay connected to your pre-motherhood self. Joining a moms group or finding a supportive community can also be helpful.
Pursue your passions: Don't let motherhood stop you from pursuing your passions
and hobbies. Whether it's starting a new business or continuing your education, make time for the things that bring you joy. It's also okay to do things without monotizing them, or perfecting them. Dance or paint just because you want to, not because it will be a side-hustle. Yes, even if you aren't "good" at it.
Embrace your new identity: While it's important to hold onto your individuality, it's also important to embrace your new identity as a mother. Find ways to incorporate your children into your hobbies and passions, and take pride in the role you play in their lives.
If you are having trouble recognizing what you're doing well, pay attention to your children when they are playing alone, talk to your friends, or talk to a counsellor who can help you with self-discovery.
Remember, holding onto your identity doesn't mean neglecting your children or your responsibilities as a parent. Rather, it's about finding a balance that allows you to be the best version of yourself while also being a great mom.
How do you remember who you are through motherhood?
Take care, Mommas!
-Alana at Lunar Light.